May 5, 2012
What an amazing morning this has been! I am continuing to feel so much better and I honestly feel I am finally coming out of my "rut" that I have been in for so long! What a journey this has been and a such a struggle, but I somehow have had the faith I needed, whether it was conscious thoughts or in my sub-conscious, either way, I made it, or better yet, I am making it to that light at the end of the tunnel I have mentioned before so many times and I felt that it was dimming quickly and becoming out of my reach. Life with all it's challenges and ups and downs are "only challenges" that one can overcome with a little hard work and faith in God and your friends and things will turn around. That is a far stretch from where I was a few months ago. Faith has carried me through thick and thin and "stuff" always seems to work itself out, BUT in the eleventh hour for me, but none the less, still works out.
As we say in AA, sponsor's play a key role in our lives if we let them. If we trust and learn to open up our feelings and be utterly honest with who we are and how we are feeling they can become the "light" that some of us are looking for. I have been around the block with the amount of sponsor's I have had. Some time ago, I was being called the "Elizabeth Taylor" of sponsor's, meaning like her many husbands, I have gone through just the same in sponsors and due to my part because of the fact I was not willing to take a look at myself. Take a look at who I was and try to find the root or the cause of all my resentments and anger toward, really toward everyone because I was not willing to do the work that was only "suggested" of me. I was, and still am to an extent, someone who wants to be "well" now damn it! But how long did it take for me to become the person I was, a life time, so trying get "well" overnight is completely impossible and that is why I "fired" so many sponsors in the past because I was unwilling to accept the direction they were giving me for fear I was being "told" what to do. I now understand the reasoning behind all of it. It is because a couple of factors, one is because these people truly cared and loved me for who I am and saw the person inside that was screaming to be able to shine through all that hate and anger, and also the resentments I was harboring deep down in my soul, two is because they also gave so freely of their time and effort to be able to make sure that I would be able get through all of that "stuff" I had pushed and kept hidden all those years.
The sponsor I have now, I have had for over two years now and I could not have been any luckier than I am to have found him. He, like all my other sponsors, is so compassionate and loving, and so caring of who I am, and I think God had presented this person right in the time in which I would be ready and willing to accept any and all direction or suggestions he would and has given me thus far. He is so generous of his time with me and takes that time out of his own life to make sure I am put in the right direction and on the right path to finally enjoying life and accepting the person God has made me to be and to let all of the "issues" go, because in the sceam of things, they are not all that important and as I mentioned above, they are all part of life's challenges and they are meant to be overcome or God would not have put them there to begin with and knowing that I would be able to some day be the man I am intended to be.
I am truly grateful ..... I am starting to sound like a broken record, but these things are so important for me to remember and keep close to me and to NEVER forget where I have been and where I am going in life on this incredible journey of ours.
As we say in AA, sponsor's play a key role in our lives if we let them. If we trust and learn to open up our feelings and be utterly honest with who we are and how we are feeling they can become the "light" that some of us are looking for. I have been around the block with the amount of sponsor's I have had. Some time ago, I was being called the "Elizabeth Taylor" of sponsor's, meaning like her many husbands, I have gone through just the same in sponsors and due to my part because of the fact I was not willing to take a look at myself. Take a look at who I was and try to find the root or the cause of all my resentments and anger toward, really toward everyone because I was not willing to do the work that was only "suggested" of me. I was, and still am to an extent, someone who wants to be "well" now damn it! But how long did it take for me to become the person I was, a life time, so trying get "well" overnight is completely impossible and that is why I "fired" so many sponsors in the past because I was unwilling to accept the direction they were giving me for fear I was being "told" what to do. I now understand the reasoning behind all of it. It is because a couple of factors, one is because these people truly cared and loved me for who I am and saw the person inside that was screaming to be able to shine through all that hate and anger, and also the resentments I was harboring deep down in my soul, two is because they also gave so freely of their time and effort to be able to make sure that I would be able get through all of that "stuff" I had pushed and kept hidden all those years.
The sponsor I have now, I have had for over two years now and I could not have been any luckier than I am to have found him. He, like all my other sponsors, is so compassionate and loving, and so caring of who I am, and I think God had presented this person right in the time in which I would be ready and willing to accept any and all direction or suggestions he would and has given me thus far. He is so generous of his time with me and takes that time out of his own life to make sure I am put in the right direction and on the right path to finally enjoying life and accepting the person God has made me to be and to let all of the "issues" go, because in the sceam of things, they are not all that important and as I mentioned above, they are all part of life's challenges and they are meant to be overcome or God would not have put them there to begin with and knowing that I would be able to some day be the man I am intended to be.
I am truly grateful ..... I am starting to sound like a broken record, but these things are so important for me to remember and keep close to me and to NEVER forget where I have been and where I am going in life on this incredible journey of ours.
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