The school years .......

As my experiences continued with my "friend" that summer, I grew to have feelings for him.  I guess I could now call it my very first crush.  I had know idea how to react to them or if I should even act on them.  I knew he was feeling the same about the situation but it was never discussed.  We went on the entire summer not mentioning a word about our nightly experiences, touches etc.  It was very excited and I began to look forward to seeing him and seeing where our experiences were going to take us this time.  Every time I was over, I did not sleep a wink, as anyone in my situation would, I am sure.

Anyway, the summer came to an end and we both went back to school and went about our business.  He was Senior now and I a Junior.  We both were from different groups, he was the popular, jock, stud, and I was a again, a no body and as we passed each other in the hall ways, it was always a brief nod or a quick hello, because he would not want anyone to notice we were friends.  Sad, really, but after he graduated, I no longer saw him.  We went our own ways.  To be honest, I always wondered what happened to him.  I have tried to find him and now with Facebook, I did and sent him a message and friend requested him, he accepted but again, I never mentioned anything, and he now un-friended me.  He now has a child and not sure if he is married today or not.

With him gone and graduated, I began my ascension into my Senior year in High School.  It was quite a year and have to say the most memorable time of that year was Homecoming week.  I love the activities that go on during that week all leading up to the football game on Friday and the dance afterward.  I did hide my sexuality quite well from all the others.  I ended up having a girlfriend all through my Junior year and part of my Senior year as well in the beginning. The break up was very dramatic.  I was very upset and I guess in part, because I still was not sure where I was going or who I was at the time.  I remember my mom being very sympathetic for me and I was completely heart broken.  It was for the better anyway.  I am so glad that it ended and as I look back on it now, am sure happy I did not end up like so many other men who are trapped inside their own horror of being who they really are, who GOD made them to be.  In my opinion, and ONLY in my opinion, it  is so unfair to the woman to be put through the agony of such a falsehood and in the end getting hurt.  I am so happy that I found out a such a young age and came to terms with it and moved on with my life.  I am not saying that it has been easy in ANY way, but I would not have done it any other way, well maybe a little.

I finally graduated from High School in 1989.  It was such a proud moment for both myself and my family.  I feel like it was just yesterday all of us were sitting on the football field listening to our names be called up to the podium to retrieve our diploma and to be finally on our way to greatness.  Well, so I thought.  It was such a beautiful day and all my relatives came and I could hear parents crying in the stands as they read our names off, one by one.  I just can't believe that it has been over twenty years now and to look back at how fast life has gone by and remembering back then how much I wanted to be an adult and finally be on my own.  I would give anything to have life slow down JUST a little bit now that I am getting older.

After graduation, I quickly packed my things, well actually had been packed for three weeks prior, to move down to Los Angeles and start a whole new journey.  I moved in with my real father who had been in Los Angeles for over ten years already with his new family, his third with and new daughter, well, my sister and I thought it was his, but it wasn't.  So, I left Clarkston, Washington and too never look back.  I left three days after graduation, that is how much I needed to get out of there.  I was so excited to be able to start fresh and finally try to become the man I wanted to be.  It was all a dream.