What a fucked up, crazy day this has begun to turn out! Once again, we are going to the rescue of a friend who has decided to relapse and to pull us back into his drama of being sick, shitting his pants and just complete insanity! What a great way to have this bullshit up front and in your face when you are going through some shit of your own to keep it real and fresh and what it is like to go back out there and use drugs because it DOES not get any better, ANY easier AT ALL! To see this shit up in your face twice in two weeks is a bit much to deal with and also not fair to us, his friends to continue to ask for help when we were there for him last week when he ended up with pneumonia due to his last stint of drug use. It was not pretty to see how he just is completely destroying his body and his mind to this disease and not only the destruction of himself but he continues to pull his friends into his nightmare. I don't mind being of service to people who want to be and to get sober and who are serious about getting the help they need and are willing to accept defeat and to move into a better situation for themselves. But this is now bringing me down and I now understand the true definition of tough love and what that now means and what we as friends must do to help him recover is we now have to pull away if we truly care about him and his well being and if we truly want him to get sober and recover and to get on a path of a healthy way of living and life in general.
I am trying to stay calm and level headed through all this today but I am pissed off and completely irritated. I am not sure how to feel about the way I am feeling and if the way I am feeling is a selfish way of me dealing with this crap because we had so much to accomplish today and get done, that this is completely a unnecessary distraction and once again we are having to come to the rescue and he his pissed off at us for helping him in a way that is protecting us and our sobriety which complete bullshit! WTF! There are several ways and meanings of being of service but when it starts to interfere with your own sobriety, THREATEN your own sobriety, it is time to pull back before it is too late!
No comments:
Post a Comment