Just Stuff ...

July 17, 2012

It's Tuesday evening, the weather is pretty mild now since it is setting into evening here in Los Angeles.  I am here at home resting since I have been a little under the weather last couple of days.  I have not been keeping up on my writing lately and I can sure feel a difference from when I was bleeding out my feelings on this and letting people in and letting you all know how and what I am feeling at the time or in that very moment.  I don't know why I have tapered off so, I just know that I feel so closed in and trapped in my own head.  I want to get back to letting my thoughts come out, no matter how unimportant I may think they are, just do it!

So I am sitting here tonight trying to figure out where to start or how to begin because as it is common with me, so much "stuff" has gone on since we were last together.  I don't know if I mentioned in my last post that I have moved out of East Los Angeles and back into Hollywood, where I am able to attend my AA meetings more regularly.  See, when I was living in East Los Angeles, I was so isolated from the my AA world, my AA family and friends, my network or support group.  Having a support group and friends to rely on and to have them rely on you has been very important to me and is the building blocks of my sobriety.  So being over there away from all of it had taken a toll on me and I started a descent into complete despair and loneliness.  The feeling of being totally lost in my self pity.  Which ultimately ended up being a severe case of depression which then led to a suicide attempt.  

I am so happy I have came through all of that and am now back in the middle of all of it, well not completely in the middle, but not completely on the sidelines either.  I am at my AA meetings on a daily basis at 7:30 am in the morning, and the gym right after that.  I am having issues though due to a dog attack I suffered on April 15th of this year by two rottweilers and have a little bit of a fear, actually, it is whole lot of fear to go back hiking.  I have been diagnosed with severe Trauma and PTSD as a result of it all and am in intense therapy and hope to be done with it in a few months and back to what I love doing.  

On a lighter, more happier note, my sister celebrated her 40th birthday on July 7, 2012.  My mom and her husband came down for it and was down here from July 4 - July 8, 2012.  What an amazing time we all shared together.  I truly miss her and was so sad to see them go.  I admit I am a true mommas boy.  We had a busy week while they were here.  We took them to Venice Beach and they love it.  We went to Universal Studios and what a blast we had there too.  It was just an overall amazing time we all shared together.  I really miss them so much and have made a commitment to see them for Christmas this year and possibly for Thanksgiving as well.